People say these will be the best years of our lives. People say we’ll look back on our high school selves and be rendered speechless by how good-looking, charming, and free-spirited we were. We’ll say, “Those were the days…” while looking out a misty window of our cubicle job, feeling stifled by the endless monotony of adulthood.

You don’t really need to read this article. I wrote it for myself, to document the many triumphs I had during my three-year-reign as the Coolest Girl in School. Those of you who know me will recall that my high school career was highlighted by my election as homecoming queen, my unprecedented leadership as Head Cheerleader, and my long-standing relationship with star quarterback Bryce Stormdrain. I love you, Bryce, and your ice-blue eyes, rippling thigh muscles, and inflated sense of self. What follows is a brief summary of the many highpoints of my past three years. Read it if you must.

MOMENTS OF PURE SHAME I HAVE EXPERIENCED AT URBAN

In Science 1B, I said orgasm instead of organism. Classic.

Early on in English 2A I laughed at a joke that Ben Slater made. Instead of slapping my knee, I slapped his knee.

In a curriculum committee meeting this year, someone was passing around cookies and they ended up at my table. There was a whole sleeve of cookies, but there was also a single cookie behind me, so I decided to eat that one. Only once it was in my mouth did I realize that a) it had already been bitten and b) it belonged to Scott Foster. He didn’t say anything, bless him, but my shame burns bright until this day.

The year I took Civil War, now known as Making America, the big fancy educational news source WGBH Boston came and filmed our class. During that period, I thought I had a Brilliant Idea and raised my hand. LeRoy called on me and I said, “What if we had one house that was represented based on state size and another that was represented equally by each state?” Yeah, too bad we didn’t think of that!

The 2014 National High School Journalism Convention in San Diego. I could fill a page here, but I won’t.

Actually I will say one thing about the National High School Journalism Convention, which is that we befriended a boy who has since tweeted “Shut up and Slut up.” Embarrassing for all of us.

At my first Urban party I went to get a glass of water from one of those built-into-the-fridge filtered water things and the water splurted everywhere and got all over the floor. I was super embarrassed and got on my hands and knees and tried to clean it up with a dish towel. Eventually the host told me I could stop, but I wished she hadn’t because I didn’t know anyone yet and cleaning up the floor gave me an excuse not to talk to anyone. Ah, the glory days!

MOMENTS OF PURE SHAME EXPERIENCED BY OTHER SENIORS

When I was a freshman, I left my class and went down a floor to get something off the printer. I then forgot I was a floor lower and accidentally went into the wrong classroom.  I was on autopilot and didn’t notice it wasn’t my class.  The room I was in had the same layout as the one my class was in. I went to what would have been my table, sat down, and started looking for an assignment on what I thought was my computer. I looked up and saw a room full of upperclassmen staring at me.- Sophie DF

Freshman year I posted “Where’s the Independance room” to the Bulletin Board, misspelling “independence.”-Leo W

Freshman year, I fainted during a jazz band rehearsal. I took too great of a solo. -Max W
My whole freshman year. -Lars A