Serious discussions in friendship groups or between two friends often begin with, Can I share this with you? Can you let me know if I’m oversharing? which acts as a disclaimer before the conversation begins. The fear of oversharing or trauma dumping can prevent teenagers from talking through their hard experiences and connecting with friends.
The word oversharing itself has a negative connotation, meaning to share or reveal too much information, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. In an attempt to avoid oversharing, some teenagers do themselves a disservice and limit their ability to have necessary and meaningful conversations with their friends.
Difficult conversations are important for one’s mental wellbeing to process traumatic or scary experiences. According to the New York Times article, “Why Talking About Our Problems Helps So Much (and How to Do It)” by Eric Ravenscraft, “If you got in a car accident, even being in a car immediately afterward could overwhelm you emotionally. But as you talk through your experience, put your feelings into words and process what happened, you can get back in the car without having the same emotional reaction.”
When it comes to sharing everything on your mind, some believe that crossing the line of oversharing depends on the closeness of friendship. Selah Matheny ‘24 said, “There’s different levels of friendship. Obviously, you need those friends [that] you can share everything [with]. But you [also] have other friends that you can share with if you want, but maybe that’s not the level of relationship that you have.”
Having a stronger relationship with a friend can alleviate the worry of oversharing. Sephora Haileselassie ‘24 said, “It’s different when you’re talking to someone that you have a deep connection with and like a real friendship with. Then the worry of trauma dumping is less present.”
Although opening up to this extent can be scary, some people find it valuable and rewarding to share their hurdles with their friends, especially those who can relate. “I have this one friend that has super similar experiences to me and [a] similar home life. I’ve been able to vent to them and we vent to each other,” said Haileselassie. “Ever since I’ve talked to this friend and taken that step, it’s been beneficial to my overall well-being because you really can’t keep everything to yourself.”
Deeply personal conversations can also affirm people’s difficult experiences regarding their identities, especially marginalized ones. “I think positive things can 100% come out of sharing past experiences surrounding queer people and trans people, especially because I can relate to them,” said Blue Kennedy ‘25.
Oversharing can be negative when the person receiving this information feels like they cannot help their friend. In this type of situation, it’s important to recognize when serious and immediate harm is present.
“I had some people I knew with really bad mental health issues. They had a therapist, but they trusted me more than they trusted their therapist,” said Kennedy. “I was the first number they called in times of distress and that was difficult because I didn’t have the means to support [them].”
In addition, the listener can find a deeper connection or affinity by hearing what their friends are going through. “I think it just makes you care about the person more. You see yourself in them and they see themselves in you. It makes you feel warm, heard and seen. You just feel less alone,” said Haileselassie.
Kennedy said, “When I know that my friend sees me as someone who they can trust so much … It’s an honor.”
While the line is often blurred between too much oversharing and just the right amount in vulnerable conversations, listening to the experiences of your friends can be an effective way to express care and support. Matheny said, “I think that part of being a good friend is being able to hear hard things from people that you love.”
