According to the National Library of Medicine, sibling relationships are among the longest-lasting relationships in people’s lives. When older siblings leave for college, the physical distance between them and their younger siblings who remain at home may disrupt the proximity that created a close relationship.
Some common symptoms experienced by a younger sibling when their sibling moves away include irritability, loneliness, lowered performance in school and avoidance of family members, according to Campbell Teen & Family Therapy (CTFT). Because guardians often focus on older siblings going to college, they may overlook the impact on younger siblings.
Ella Marinchak ‘26 dealt with some of the symptoms described by CTFT after her sister left for college last year. “It was really hard because we’re close in age and best friends,” she said. “It’s been a hard change [for me] because we used to talk all the time, but since she left, it’s been hard to stay in contact because she’s so far.”
Evan Kwong ‘24’s brother Ethan Kwong ‘21 left for college three years ago, reshaping Evan’s support system. “[My brother has] always been one of my best friends, so not having someone at home who I can always laugh with is tough,” said Kwong. “When I want to play basketball [or] video games with someone, [my brother is] who I would normally be playing with, and I don’t have that anymore.”
When older siblings move away, it is important for younger siblings to develop coping mechanisms for loneliness. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, loneliness is linked to a higher risk of depression, anxiety, addiction, suicidal ideation and earlier death.
One coping mechanism Marinchak uses is online communication with her sister. “[When I feel lonely], I usually will try to call [my sister] or text her ‘I miss you so much.’ Or I’ll talk [my feelings] out with my parents because they can relate,” she said.
While some feel negatively about their sibling leaving, others enjoy the change. Evan Wong ‘24 said, “I was pretty happy when [my sister left]. It [gave] me a lot more freedom [to] do my own thing [and] my parents gave me more attention.”
Moreover, some younger siblings noticed that their older siblings’ absence provided them with a new opportunity to discover their individuality. “I used to tag along with [my brother] and his friends, but now I look to hang out more with my friends,” said Kwong.
Others discovered new hobbies, finding space to explore their sense of selves without their siblings. “I started pottery after [my sister] left and it’s really fun. I’m not amazing yet, but it’s nice to have something that’s all my own,” said Marinchak.
Kwong noted how the physical distance between him and his brother changed their relationship for the better. “I think we [have] gotten closer since [my brother] left because we’re so far away and we don’t see each other as much, so it makes us closer when we are together,” he said.
While Kwong found that physical distance brought him and his brother closer, Marinchak found that it had the opposite effect. “[The space] has made us a little farther apart, just because of the distance. But since we have always been close, … [we still] love hanging out with each other,” she said.
With Urban students experiencing their siblings leaving for college in the upcoming months, others had bits of advice for them. “Your siblings are always going to be there. It’s not like you’re never seeing them again. They’re only a text or call away if you ever need them,” said Kwong. “They’re going to be busy in college and you want [to remember] this is a big step for them, it’s important to find things for yourself.”
