As we approach spring, students and faculty alike turn their attention to a highly anticipated event of the school year — Urban’s annual prom. For many high schools in the United States, prom is exclusive to upperclassmen and includes spontaneous promposals days before the dance. Urban’s prom, however, is less traditional: All grade levels are welcome to attend and promposals are discouraged.
According to Assistant Head for Student Life Charlotte Worsley, Urban’s guidelines around promposals are a reflection of the institution’s principles, such as inclusion and mutual respect. “I have yet to have anybody ever explain to me how you could have [promposals] without violating [Urban’s] core values,” Worsley said.
Promposing gained popularity at Urban in 2015 after the release of an MTV show called “Promposal Mania,” which featured different ways to ask someone to a high school prom. The administration took action following the sudden popularity of public promposals among Urban students. “I think that [the faculty were] aware of the cultural hype of promposals because of an MTV show and [were] making sure Urban stayed true to its own traditions,” Worsley said.
She remembers an instance when a student was asked to prom onstage at an Urban concert and felt pressured to accept the invitation. “It came across my desk because there were so many upset students who had gotten coerced, cornered, embarrassed [and] browbeaten into accepting [a promposal] because it was a public … invitation to prom,” Worsley said.
Urban subsequently addressed the implications that public promposals can have on students. The administration stated that to avoid putting pressure on others, students should be certain that the other person wants to go to prom with them before promposing. They also suggested that students avoid promposing in a public manner — rather, they should limit promposals to outside of school or private settings.
Today, some students question whether promposals should be reintroduced into the community. “Urban emphasizes being as comfortable as possible when it comes to social dynamics. But I think [discouraging] promposals is one thing that [they took] a little too far,” Carl Haidamus ’25 said.
Talia Becker ’25, who promposed to someone last year, spoke to the less-traditional nature of Urban’s prom. “What I love about Urban is [that] our prom is a lot less date-focused,” Becker said. “[However], sometimes I do get a little annoyed that promposals … aren’t allowed.”
Many other San Francisco independent schools — such as University High School, Lick-Wilmerdingand International High School — allow students to publicly prompose.
“I saw an Instagram account for the University [High School] promposals and I went through the whole thing,” Zareen Abraham ’25 said. “It’s like a whole ordeal that a ton of people [participate in].”
Jaxon Howard ’25, who has been a member of the prom planning committee on the Student Committee (StuCo) for the last four years, discussed the differences between promposals at Urban and at other high schools. “I know that [promposals] still happen outside of school, but it feels like there’s a lot less extravagance [when compared to other high schools],” Howard said.
Public promposals could increase anticipation for prom in the weeks leading up to it. “Sometimes there’s not a lot of hype going into prom,” said Rachel Rose ’26, who has helped plan Urban’s prom the past two years. “Having at least some sort of thing to get people excited — whether that be a promposal, whether that be a theme — would definitely be beneficial.”
“With having prom [all] four years … it feels less special as a senior and as an upperclassman. Having promproposals would make it feel more special and [it would be] something to look forward to, and something that’s … bigger than just a school dance,” Abraham said.
Worsley believes students should re-examine their motives when promposing. “What most people think of when they think [of a] promposal is a staged performance that everybody gets to look at. … It’s too easy at a school to have the goal be the show,” Worsley said. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your focus in a promposal [was] on the person you were asking?”