Have you ever noticed a senior intently examining their phone during a passing period or while walking through the halls? It may be surprising that some students are sitting with the difficult choice of whether to swipe right or left on the slew of faces that appear on their screens. Students weigh the pros and cons of striking up conversations with profiles showcasing the faces, hobbies, and bodies of strangers.
Although the range of dating apps and reasons for using them differ, seniors across many genders and sexual orientations are active users. Students on these apps are connected to possible partners, romantic flings or short-lived friendships across the Bay Area.
Some — namely adults — may look down on the presence of high schoolers on dating apps, as they do not want to be in a dating pool among 18-year-olds. High school seniors are the youngest legal users on the app, opening themselves up to interactions with adult strangers possibly past their maturity level. However, some 18-year-old seniors are looking to expand their dating pool to other teenagers outside of Urban, as there are only so many options a grade of 113 students can offer.
While some students download dating apps as a funny way to experiment and rebel, others tend to take the apps more seriously for their prescribed use.
Student A ‘24, first downloaded Tinder because she heard about the app through her older sister. “My sister has it and she thinks it’s funny, but then when I got it she did not think it was very funny, she thought I was too young for it,” they said.
Another senior, Student B ‘24, whose name has been changed to protect their anonymity, initially downloaded Tinder as a joke. “I’ve never been the person who’s afraid to add random people on Snapchat or hit people up on Instagram, so it didn’t feel very foreign to download one of those apps. I had already been treating other forms of social media like a dating platform.”
Student C ‘24, said, “I got it as a joke, but I have used the app.”
Much to Student A’s sister’s dismay, she ended up keeping Tinder. Student A attributes her continued presence on the app to how it fills cracks in the Urban dating scene, especially as a queer woman. “I feel like there’s not a queer scene at Urban, so interacting with more girls on Tinder was kind of the main draw for me,” she said.
Some use the app for the common level of maturity amongst users, as one must be at least 18 years old to create an account. “The guys are a little bit older, which is nice. They’re probably like 19 to 20,” said Student A. “I feel like that’s just better for me because I want a more mature person who’s maybe not in high school.”
Student C also mentioned Urban’s small size and tight-knit grade dynamics when examining his use of Tinder. “It’s really weird to reach out [romantically or sexually] to somebody who you’ve known for four years,” he said. “I probably subconsciously downloaded [Tinder] because of that.”
Student B stated that she exclusively uses Tinder instead of other dating apps for several reasons, specifically that she dislikes the gendered and heteronormative features of the dating app Bumble. On Bumble, only users who identify as women can send the first message.
“I was on Bumble for a little while, but I think the gender dynamics on there are really weird because you only have 24 hours to respond and you can only message first if you’re a woman,” said Student B. “As someone who identifies as queer, it was a little strange to me. If you match with girls there’s not really an expectation of who messages first.”
While messaging with a stranger behind a screen in the comfort of your own space is one thing, meeting up alone with a stranger adds safety concerns for most, especially women.
In the four months since Student A downloaded Tinder, she has not met up with anyone in person, but she possibly sees a future where she could. “I would never meet up with someone from Tinder. I feel like it’s not safe for me as a woman and I don’t want to do that,” said Student A. “But I feel like just talking to people is fun and maybe I will want to meet these people in college.”
Student C, a male-identifying student, has been the only interviewee to meet in-person with someone from Tinder. “I met up with one person in Las Vegas over the summer,” he said. “That was only because I was in a remote location where I definitely wouldn’t even mutually know anyone.”
Fear of matching with a classmate or someone you know is a shared sentiment among students. Multiple interviewees mentioned discomfort or awkward tension after seeing a profile of another student and knowing that they saw yours.
After the meet up, Student C began to use Tinder solely as a game rather than an outlet to find romantic or sexual partners. When reflecting on meeting up with someone from the app, he said, “I don’t think I would do something like that again.”
Student B, someone who has debated meeting up with matches on the app, splits her experience on the app into two separate categories. First is the gamified experience, but then the reality sets in that you are interacting with another real-life person.
“I always closely view their profile and look at their age and where they’re from because swiping on a pretty 25 year old is fun, but it’s not a realistic situation,” she said. “The first part [of swiping] is kind of like a game for me, but the second part of actually talking to people is different. I do take it more seriously.”
Despite not wanting to meet her matches in person, Student A finds herself still feeling validated by the app, which encourages her to keep it. “It can feel rewarding being validated sometimes,” she said.
Student A admits that while this type of validation is rewarding, it can also feel tainted by the detached nature of an online dating app. “It feels like TikTok to me at this point,” she said. “It doesn’t feel real at all. It just feels like, ‘Oh, they’re cute,’ like an Instagram influencer or something.”
Students who observe others using dating apps commented on the gamified aspects of the app. “If every couple of swipes you get … a match, that does feel rewarding in a way that I think other social media platforms don’t [provide],” said Dylan Marchiel ‘24.
Clementine Nelson ‘24 is an on-and-off Tinder user. She continues to redownload the app after swearing she will delete it for good because of its addictive quality and isolated-yet-flirtatious style.
“I kind of just use it like an iPhone game, which is so f–ked up to say,” said Nelson. “I actually deleted Tinder last week, and I’ve been having the urge to redownload it because it’s both physical validation and an iPhone game all in one.”
Nelson agrees with the complicated dual identity of an app that feels like a fun game, yet is centered around physical appearance and desire. “There’s this urge to be swiped right on. You want to feel validated and you want to feel generally attractive,” said Nelson. “That’s the thing about Tinder: It is literally all about physical attraction. Sometimes it feels nice to have that validation.”
Marchiel feels frustrated that despite people’s profiles listing their interests, interactions on Tinder mainly revolve around physical appearance. “I think it is really challenging to be on Tinder and just judge people based on looks and know that that’s the only thing that they’re judging you on,” she said.
Trying to stray from the gamified nature of the app solely based on looks, Student B is attempting to take a different approach: starting conversations about hobbies and interests, not ones solely based on flirtatious compliments.
“In [virtual] conversations with guys, this kind of [gamified validation] is not really what I’m looking for,” said Student B. “I think I do treat these conversations differently, like they could be a potential relationship.”
