Have you ever wondered what Urban faculty really think about students at the end of the day? When asked how they would roast the typical Urban student, here is how several faculty members responded.

Mary Murphy, science teacher:

“I’ll start with sporting events. It’d be nice for an Urban student who spent seven hours making a sign instead of doing their homework to hold the sign up correctly. That’d be good.”

“When [Urban] students become the most incapacitated is when we’re in a [sporting] competition and the other school has organized cheers that are against us… prepared responses… and Urban students are like deer in headlights. It’s interesting because I think Urban students are actually typically very clever, very quick-witted and quick with a reply, but somehow are left confounded [when cheering].”

“I’ve never worked at a school that had more study hall time built into the day, and also more kids who complained about not having enough time. I’m fascinated by the lack of efficiency.”

Ricco Siasoco, English teacher and Class of ‘24 dean:

“Well, I have two students clamoring outside my door right now while we interview who are acting like children. [In their freest form,] a typical student is chaotic. Sometimes teary, sometimes sassy. A lot of times under the weather and still will not go home.”

“Sometimes you look like you just rolled out of bed.”

Kristina Tavisora, Page Street receptionist:

“Always tired with headphones in. I try to greet you and cheer you guys up…”

Randy Li, math teacher:

On his memes: “The calculator and instructions [memes] feel uniquely Urban math-y. I definitely also wanted to highlight that Urban students jump from ‘this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, how could I be expected to do this’ to ‘this is so easy that I’m insulted I’m being asked to do this at all’ faster than anyone I’ve ever known in my life.”